his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
