On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
