I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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