Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
