Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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