Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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