I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
