Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
