community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
