sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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