So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
