you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
