I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize