He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
