I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
