You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
