After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
