u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
