The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
