ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I checked into jail on foursquare
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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