Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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