i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
