I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
