yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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