better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
