We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
