lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
