I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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