i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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