she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
