Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
