I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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