I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
