he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize