Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize