Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
