He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
