The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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