I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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