You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
