ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize