I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
