Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
3 2 1 whiskey
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
