I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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