never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
