All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
