You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
