miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
