I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
