I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
