So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
