If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
