I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
