What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
