I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
