Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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