I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize