New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
