we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Pants are for mortals
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
