I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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