also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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