Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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