I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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