tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
