yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm like, not good at living.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
