we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
