Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
