Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
