God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
