Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
