my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
