I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
