Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
