What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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