i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
