We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
