...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
