I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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