I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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