ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize