im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize