Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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