ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
