hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
